Something is going wrong in my life right now, it's being thrown off kilter. I"m not sure why, but I've been getting strange vibes, been acting strangely myself, and am suffering from disturbingly dreamless sleeps.
One thing for sure, friendship is over-rated right now. I'm highly suspicious on who to trust and who not to trust, and I can't trust my instincts because I'm not being myself. Once I review over things, I realise that some of the bonds I treasure aren't really solid at all. They're just there to help me get through the year, and after that it'll disintegrate to nothingness. It also came upon me that those bonds that I have, well they seem superficial.
While it seems that there's nothing wrong on the outside, my emotions are really on an odd swing. I've been getting mood swings, snapping at Adeline, well it's partly her fault and I couldn't care less but still it feels odd for some reason as I don't do it without a good reason. It's as though someone has taken over me, my soul and my mind.
Not to mention the fact that another friend has just told me about her suspicions about another friend and I'm not sure what to think. Adeline, if you're going to tell me not to think too much I'll grab a pie and drop it on your face when you're asleep.
Firstly, I'm being mean, deliberately. While I am like that at times, it strikes me as odd. I can't pinpoint it, but it's just odd. Unfortunately, Adeline has been bearing the brunt of my frustrations. I have no idea how to interact with her anymore, and I certainly do not want to come across as a fool. Well I'll let her decide for me on what to do, and then I'll take it from there if I like it.
Either way, I wish that I could read minds, it'll help in so many ways. I seem to be dishing out a hell lot of apologies ever since I met that idiot, and I do not like it!
3 comments:
Sometimes we just need to have some faith Charmaine.
Faith my friend, faith.
And trust your instinct for the love of god!
I dont really believe that you could lost control of yourself that easily.
you're just denying control, not losing it.
Well, pull yourself together.
You know the world can't quite possible spin well without the Ice Princess round'
.....
Faith my dear, faith.
Faith is nothing if you can't believe;
Instincts are worthless when you can't accept;
Control is ridiculous when you can't think straight.
All in all, this is my summary. If I am indeed denying control, then so be it. I'll pull myself out of this rut by hook or by crook.
God be damned if I stay in here like this.
See? you're obviously denying control.
"Faith is nothing without believing"
faith was always there.
"Instincts are nothing without accept"
you chose not too, doesn't mean it wasnt true or didnt exist
"control is ridiculous if you can't think straight"
Goddamn it Charmaine! Its time you THINK STRAIGHT THEN, since you know you've gone astray
and good thing you know you havent been thinking straiht, at least that may be some help, if not none at all.
and Charms...you're practically forcing yourself to do it...lol..
you know, you should look on the birhgter side.
its not even a rut to start with!
lol....i wonder if i'm blabbering again
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