A new year, a new beginning. I didn't realise it, but I have been wanting one for a long time already.
In many ways, I'm really glad that the 'fight' happened when it did, it was necessary for me and for our friendship in a roundabout way. I don't know what it did for them, but I found that I actually treasured it more than anything else in my life, and that's saying a lot, since I'm a naturally selfish person.
After breaking off from the group, I had to reprioritize myself and find myself beneath all those facades and masks that I created to push everyone else away from myself. I had used them for too long until I longer remembered myself, instead going blindly with the flow with a show of false bravado and arrogance.
It took awhile, but I managed to find myself again, and while I might stumble and fall a few times along the road, I will never let it go. After that, I made a rather impulsive decision to cut my hair into a shoulder length style, not to mention dyed it a rather intense dark red colour. Those who remembered the last time I did that would probably remember the fuss I made, not to mention the complaints, grumbles and groans. Well, I actually like the change this time. I look better, and felt so free when it was finally done. In a way, the haircut was somewhat symbolic.
Seriously, when the holidays started, I practically turned into a workaholic who did OT almost every single day. My body ran on autopilot and I felt as though I was watching everything from another perspective. After awhile, I caved and decided to just go with my gut. Since then, I've not regretted anything at all, except for a nagging feeling that tells me that I should have coloured my hair dark purple instead of red.
I'm still hanging in limbo now because of the darn government. Seriously, is it that difficult to just sort all the trainees into their respective batches when they select us to go for NS training and announce the list a few months before it starts?! It would make things a hell lot easier for us since we don't have to scramble to get everything done just in time for it. Honestly, do they really think that we've all the time in the world to just sit down and wait for them to place us?! Most of us here are planning to further our educations damn it! You're wasting our precious time, and I don't like that, at all! I swear, if they place me in the third batch, I will skip NS entirely and go straight for college! I don't have time to wait around for it to come around, I no longer have the luxury of time anymore.
This post is rather random, and sounds like I'm merely saying whatever that comes into my mind, with no real arrangement or structure. Oh well, I couldn't care less.
