Let Me Sleep Tonight

What is this?

You have got to be kidding me,

I made a list for a reason,

To act as chains of reason,

In case my heart decides to rebel against me.

But this is honestly pitiable,

Imagine me,

The Ice Queen,

Falling prey for such a trap,

Just what was I thinking?

Laugh all you want,

Because I really am laughable now,

So deeply tangled up in this web,

So badly lost in this maze,

That I wonder if I'll ever find my way again.

I am so tired,

I really am,

So why am I still holding on,

To the possibilities in you,

To the possibilities of the future?

Perhaps he was right,

Perhaps I'm the one putting too much effort,

Into something that may not even be true,

Something that may end up being just a distraction,

From his bored little world.

I am angry,

But at the same time,

Despair clouds my mind,

Overpowering even the force of my anger,

Leaving me in a state more desolate than before.

I am tired,

And I shall retire for the night,

But one has to wonder,

If my sleep tonight will be pleasant,

Or will tear tracks be prominent upon my cheeks.

Beautiful dreamer in the velvet skies,

Take me in your arms and sing to me,

Your lullaby of a perfect world,

Where nothing will go wrong,

Where nothing can go wrong.

Not Again

I know not why,

But I find myself out of breath,

My heart achingly hollow,

And my despair once again overflowing.

Aren't I supposed to be happy,

To smile with the brightness,

Of a thousand suns?

Then why do I feel so heavy?

I don't understand what's going on,

I can't understand this,

Someone make me understand,

Please, I beg of you.

This can't be happening again,

I'm supposed to be long past this,

So why do my eyes burn,

With unshed tears?

This is frightening,

What is going on now?

Why is this happening again?

Can't you please answer me?!

Answer me damn it,

You know the answer to my questions,

So please,

Please answer me,

Lest I breakdown once again.

Heartache

You say that you're fine with me,

Just the way I am,

But why do I see you,

Trying to change me,

To fit into your superficial mold?

I never thought that I'd be hurt,

Not like this,

Physical pain I can bear,

Mental pain I scoff at,

But heartache....

Heartache,

Was never what I expected,

I never knew,

I never thought,

And I've never felt this terrible.

It hurts,

It really does hurt,

But I feel numb,

A dull roar sounds in my ears,

A choked sob escapes my lips.

I am who I am,

I don't wear skirts or dresses,

I detest makeup,

I love my jeans,

And I dress for myself.

I thought that you were fine with that,

That you liked me as I was,

So pray tell,

Love,

Why do you do this to me?

Things were so much easier,

When there were no strings attached,

When my walls were up,

When the stage was set,

When I played my role.

I was a lone wolf,

I walked to the beat of my own drum,

I bowed to no one,

I accepted no one,

And I cared for no one.

Behind those walls,

Behind the masks,

On the stages,

In my role,

No one could hurt me.

You did this to me,

And now my heart vows vengeance,

An eye for an eye,

And a tooth for a tooth,

I will hurt you,

Just as much as you hurt me.

I swear this now,

On the tears that I unconsciously shed,

Listen to my song Love,

For I am furious.