Hello hello, I guess I have been pretty lazy in updating my blog, since my last post was dated almost a year ago. Alright, who am I kidding, it's obvious that I completely gave up on updating it since my last super emo, super depressed and super desperate post. Now that I think of it, I don't even recognize myself in that post at all. In fact, for most of the posts regarding him, I wouldn't even know that I was the one writing the posts if it wasn't for the fact that it was published under my name. Then again, if I were to look at all my previous posts as a whole, I'd say that the person I was before him, with him, and after him, were completely different in so many ways. It's interesting to see how much I have changed with the flow of time, from being an angst filled teenager, to a girl believing herself to be in love for the first time, to what I am now. I'd like to be able to describe exactly what I am now, but I find that being the main actress in this stage of life right now, there's no way I'll be able to objectively describe myself, so I'll leave it to the future me to do so when I've closed yet another chapter in my life.
In this past few months after the breakup, I'd say that I've been quite busy. From my exams, to the Back2Street performance for Latin (Jive) and Salsa (Rueda de Casino), to the photo shoots for Upstairs Closet and then some, to the many mad hours of crazed non-stop dancing (literally almost everyday of the week for at least 17 hours a week), to severely spraining my ankle and tearing my Anterior Talofibular Ligament, to the painfully long recovery process and rehabilitation, to picking myself up and trying to push myself through my previous lifestyle before the sprain again, to meeting an old childhood friend and the others who came with him, to making even more friends from the Malaysian Latin Dance Championships (MLDC) and helping them with their routines and techniques, to the dual trips to Genting Highlands, to working as an assistant teacher in an English centre and dealing with kids from ages 1 to 14, to gaining weight, and then some.
Sounds like I've been through a lot in the last 10 months huh? To be honest, I didn't realize that time would pass by so quickly, and that I would experience so many things in this short span of time. Many things have also changed for me in this span of time, be it mentally, emotionally and physically. I wouldn't say that I regret the changes, because despite everything I went through for those changes, I am still able to see that it was for the better. Despite that, there are some things that I wish I didn't have to let go in the process, but such is life. As Anatole France, a French writer and winner of the 1921 Nobel Prize for Literature, once said:
❝All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.❞
This phrase rings with clarity, and even the most stubborn will have to admit that this phrase rings with truth. It is impossible to change without losing a part of one's self, no matter how much one wishes to keep a tight grasp on the past. Such is the fickleness of Time, where it constantly slips in between one's fingers like the fine grains of sand at the beach, no matter how one tries to grasp at it. Father Time must be laughing at us right now, as we struggle to keep up with his ever flowing, ever moving and ever constant pace. One would think that humans, being masters of our own fates, would be able to at least keep up with Time; but no, life simply has to throw us curve balls and leave obstacles in our paths, slowing us down and causing us to stumble with every step. Despite all that, this only refers to the obstacles in our paths, if one were to take into account the burdens that we carry on our shoulders from expectations and responsibilities, it's a wonder that we're even able to move a single step. But such is the strength of humankind, as weak as we are, we are also strong in the sense that we're able to continue moving forward, even if our progress is slow.
It is because of this, that I guess I can say that I'm proud to be who I am now, because the person that I am now is the product of every step that I've taken in life. This is me, and whether or not you like it, I'm here to stay. So take it or leave it, even if I'm going to struggle, the least I could do for myself is to hold my head up high, and strut my way through it all. So if you want to see what I'll become in the future, take my hand and try to keep up, or I'm going to end up dragging you along every step of the way.
Un beso.
