Whoever thought that someone like me would feel these emotions all at the same time, and be so badly affected by it that my brain nearly shut down in defense.
What the hell have I been doing to myself? I don't even recognize myself anymore. Who am I? What am I doing? I seem to have lost my purpose, and for some reason I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror because I can't stand looking at the shadow of my former self.
I'm never usually this reckless, every move I make I calculate and execute with precision and timing, and I never do things that borderline dangerous for my reputation. I always play it safe, and I never take unnecessary risks, so why am I acting like this now?
Honor, pride, dignity, self-possession....
Where have these values that I hold so dear to my heart gone to? This time, perhaps the only person that I can blame is myself, and while I can still salvage the pieces, it will never be whole again.
Once again, I truly am a fool, and I wish...
I wish....
For a wish that will probably never be fulfilled, for as long as I continue to hold that part of me back, and for as long as I hold those fears too close to my heart.
Screams ripped through my throat,
As I struggle with chains heavy with guilt,
I tried and tried again,
But I couldn't move,
I couldn't see,
I couldn't make sense,
With the fog all around me;
Left to flounder on my own,
I wonder,
If anyone will ever hear my screams,
Will someone finally wipe away my tears,
And hold me as I cry,
Even as I try to make sense of the confusion within me?
As I struggle with chains heavy with guilt,
I tried and tried again,
But I couldn't move,
I couldn't see,
I couldn't make sense,
With the fog all around me;
Left to flounder on my own,
I wonder,
If anyone will ever hear my screams,
Will someone finally wipe away my tears,
And hold me as I cry,
Even as I try to make sense of the confusion within me?
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