Promises

Go on,

Make another promise again,

Convince me on how much you mean to keep it,

Because I don't believe that you can.

Empty,

All of them are empty,

You've made countless others,

But none you have kept.

I'm sick and tired of this disappointment,

That only you can bring me,

But even when I know how foolish I am,

I still hold on.

I still hold on to that hope,

That you will one day keep them,

I still hold on,

Because I want to believe.

So tell me,

Will you disappoint me again,

By making yet another empty promise,

Or will you finally man up and fulfill it?

I look forward to the day,

When I finally find my answer,

But a part of me shies back,

Because I'm afraid of what I shall find then.

Tonight

I want to see the stars tonight,

But all I see are clouds,

I want to smile happily tonight,

But I can only frown.

The moon shines alone in the sky,

And I wonder if she feels as lonely,

As desolate,

As I feel right now.

You promised me,

But all you're doing,

Is proving me wrong,

And betraying my trust.

Don't make promises that you can't keep,

Don't give me what you don't have,

Don't raise my hopes up,

Only to dash it down into the ground.

Don't lead me on like this,

To believe,

To hope,

In something that will never happen.

Lies are merely lies,

And there's nothing that you can do,

That will turn them into the truth,

Because you can't.

Don't bring my hopes up anymore,

Because I don't want to be disappointed,

Don't tell me that you love me,

Because it rings hollowly in my ears.

What More Can I Do?

I'm sick and tired of waiting,

Because that's the only thing I can do,

Without letting go of my pride,

And seeming weak in front of you.

I'm sick and tired of hurting,

Because that's the only thing I can do,

When you hurt me with your insensitivity,

Not knowing the effect you have on me.

I'm sick and tired of trying,

Because that's the only thing I can do,

To keep your eyes on me,

To prevent your heart from straying.

I'm sick and tired of crying,

Because that's the only thing I can do,

When there's nothing else I can say,

To make the pain go away.

Will you continue making me wait,

Or will you leave me here to pine for you?

Will you come back to me,

Or should I take my leave first?

Waiting is difficult,

Hurting is painful,

Trying is despairing,

And crying is pitiful.

But that is all that I can do,

Until you come back to me.

Daze

Don't ever ignore me,

Because that will hurt me,

More than being angry at me ever will.

Don't lie to me,

Because that will hurt me,

More than telling me the truth ever will.

Don't betray me,

Because that will break me,

And make me cry.

A simple verse,

Another tear,

A silent sob.

I wonder if you know,

What goes on in my mind,

If you even cared to wonder.

Give it a rest,

You're hurting me,

Whether or not you know it.

Stop doing this to me,

Leave me alone,

For I can stand no more.

I write this in a stupor,

Take this as you wish,

Because I will not explain myself.

Let Me Sleep Tonight

What is this?

You have got to be kidding me,

I made a list for a reason,

To act as chains of reason,

In case my heart decides to rebel against me.

But this is honestly pitiable,

Imagine me,

The Ice Queen,

Falling prey for such a trap,

Just what was I thinking?

Laugh all you want,

Because I really am laughable now,

So deeply tangled up in this web,

So badly lost in this maze,

That I wonder if I'll ever find my way again.

I am so tired,

I really am,

So why am I still holding on,

To the possibilities in you,

To the possibilities of the future?

Perhaps he was right,

Perhaps I'm the one putting too much effort,

Into something that may not even be true,

Something that may end up being just a distraction,

From his bored little world.

I am angry,

But at the same time,

Despair clouds my mind,

Overpowering even the force of my anger,

Leaving me in a state more desolate than before.

I am tired,

And I shall retire for the night,

But one has to wonder,

If my sleep tonight will be pleasant,

Or will tear tracks be prominent upon my cheeks.

Beautiful dreamer in the velvet skies,

Take me in your arms and sing to me,

Your lullaby of a perfect world,

Where nothing will go wrong,

Where nothing can go wrong.

Not Again

I know not why,

But I find myself out of breath,

My heart achingly hollow,

And my despair once again overflowing.

Aren't I supposed to be happy,

To smile with the brightness,

Of a thousand suns?

Then why do I feel so heavy?

I don't understand what's going on,

I can't understand this,

Someone make me understand,

Please, I beg of you.

This can't be happening again,

I'm supposed to be long past this,

So why do my eyes burn,

With unshed tears?

This is frightening,

What is going on now?

Why is this happening again?

Can't you please answer me?!

Answer me damn it,

You know the answer to my questions,

So please,

Please answer me,

Lest I breakdown once again.

Heartache

You say that you're fine with me,

Just the way I am,

But why do I see you,

Trying to change me,

To fit into your superficial mold?

I never thought that I'd be hurt,

Not like this,

Physical pain I can bear,

Mental pain I scoff at,

But heartache....

Heartache,

Was never what I expected,

I never knew,

I never thought,

And I've never felt this terrible.

It hurts,

It really does hurt,

But I feel numb,

A dull roar sounds in my ears,

A choked sob escapes my lips.

I am who I am,

I don't wear skirts or dresses,

I detest makeup,

I love my jeans,

And I dress for myself.

I thought that you were fine with that,

That you liked me as I was,

So pray tell,

Love,

Why do you do this to me?

Things were so much easier,

When there were no strings attached,

When my walls were up,

When the stage was set,

When I played my role.

I was a lone wolf,

I walked to the beat of my own drum,

I bowed to no one,

I accepted no one,

And I cared for no one.

Behind those walls,

Behind the masks,

On the stages,

In my role,

No one could hurt me.

You did this to me,

And now my heart vows vengeance,

An eye for an eye,

And a tooth for a tooth,

I will hurt you,

Just as much as you hurt me.

I swear this now,

On the tears that I unconsciously shed,

Listen to my song Love,

For I am furious.